TRUST ISSUE | Lean back or leap?

While you know tagline mentalities like Trust and the Universe will provide give me hives - for they relate to some intangible sphere, and so, are as practical as, say, a broken bucket for bailing water out of a sinking boat, there is something to “it.”

This ”it” I’ve been finding so interesting to observe as of late: 

How do we, in fact, trust in what’s unverifiable?

And further, how this cultivating of an emotion both so delicate and vital to our living really is the sine qua non for when we seek to grow - in our vocations, and (of course), in our relationships with friends/lovers/self. 

Ironic as it may seem for someone who has built a professional reputation where trust is a cornerstone, I find myself in a continuous dialogue with me, myself and I about who, what and when to trust (leap) or not (lean back).

Or to put simply, Trust and I have an issue. 

In the process of writing this post, I thought back to my first (memorable) 1:1 with the matter of trust - to riff off on the initial metaphor - when the boat is sinking it’s generally good (trustworthy) advice to take a plunge, even more helpful: being able to swim. 

I learned swimming when I was 3 years old, on a summer vacation with my family in Southern Italy. One day, after watching the older kids in the pool diving, ducking and twirling like fish in the water, it dawned on me that the floaties I was wearing kept me from joining the fun. Without much further ado, I ripped off my floaties and jumped into the deep end. The floaties, despite my my mother's efforts in convincing me that my swimming skills weren’t reliable yet, were history.
More significantly, this literal leap into waters unknown formed the psychological building blocks to how I trusted that “I’ll be fine” even when I had no means to verify whether that was actually true - until I just did it. (Thanks, Nike) 

Following this pattern, I’ve freed myself from a few more metaphorical floaties - sometimes in favor of ”jump, and the net will appear”, and for probably as many times, youth- and blissful ignorance. 

As I’ve grown older in age, life-hits-you-hard experiences, and resulting scar tissue, the leap of faith, though, has become increasingly harder to perform, and jumping off the edge feels more often than not as way too risky business. 

On a daily basis, trust is fairly accessible to us -  like when we hop into the back of a taxi, take the train (maybe not the L, fellow Brooklynites) or order take-away food. 

We believe, that those entrusted with our task (“bring me home”, ”feed me“) possess the necessary ability/skills/knowledge. We believe in the vehicles’ reliability, and the kitchens’ Grade A hygiene standard. 

So trust is a life-enabler. Without it, we would barely make it out of bed in the morning. Because each day, we face a number of situations/decisions-to-be-made that require us to trust: no proof, no review, no double blind study to support our case. 

Applied to the life boxes of work/love/health, particularly if you’ve entered the realm past the 30’s threshold, a (disabling) lack of trust is fairly common. By then, thanks to lessons learned most of us have accumulated enough scar tissue for it to be likely to restrict free motion in one or more of our life boxes.

Not trusting, in certain situations is probably a really good idea - like we don’t just jump off a cliff unless we know for sure, it’s safe and there aren’t any rocks at the bottom that may crack our heads like coconuts. 

But more often than not, a below-zero trust comes disguised as protecting us from perceived danger, that in reality does not exist - at least not outside of the aforementioned heads of ours. 

The reality is, we simply do not feel safe enough to trust, for fear of being rejected, ridiculed or hurt.

When I wrestle with trust, it's a fight with 12 exhaustingly long rounds; often with no clear winner because, the opponents -  Me against me - are equally matched.

Maybe your cerebral overdrive resembles somewhat mine. 

I’d like to do this (project), but… I’d like to meet this (person), but.. I’d like to say this (words unspoken), but..

When I do this, OF COURSE, I wish could I step back and tell myself to Just. Stop. (Hey, I know how to swim!) 

But as you may agree, that remains wishful thinking - it’s nearly impossible to take on a birds-eye view when you’re in the deep weeds. 

Debating the trustworthiness of each situation/person/opportunity though, as anyone who has ever found themselves in over-analysis paralysis can attest, is exhausting at best. At worst, it stops us in our tracks, (also goes by “self-sabotage”) keeping us from doing the stuff we know we can do, speak the words we know we must say, and risk being ourselves/self.

Being in a constant state of questionmarking (and that’s coming from someone who loves a good question) - ain’t no way to live.

Trust requires work, and regrettably, like-able new-age memes on our feeds can’t do the job for us. But we can. Show up, dab some ointment on that scar tissue of ours (instead of dismissing its existence, which - speaking from experience - is not helpful) farewell our overprotective life-guard, learn to swim and trust, that growing our internal capacity to belief-in-it without knowing-it, is indeed the better risk to take. 

Trust me, friend.

_______

I'm about to drive in the ocean
I'ma try to swim from something bigger than me
Kick off my shoes and swim good, and swim good - Frank Ocean, Swim Good