SLOW SPEED | Last (Wo)Man Standing

Are you here for the long run?

If you’ve ever taken a window seat on an airplane and looked out the window, it may have appeared to you as if the plane was moving very slowly, lying almost motionless in the air, the only signs of any movement being the almost imperceptible interchanging hues of blue and puffy shapes of white. All the while, in fact, the average aircraft speeds through the sky with a minimum of 500 miles/hr.

We do something similar in our human lives on earth: we move at high speed without realizing it. Without acknowledging. Without pausing. A relentless chase.

A few weeks ago, Seth Godin posted the following: “Are there places you feel like you’re falling behind where there’s actually no race?”, and inspired me to investigate my own patterns. And I had to admit to myself that living in New York, a city whose ever higher skyscrapers serve as the backdrop of human ambition in physical form, I too am participating in this race with no finish line. As I get older, the judgments of my own accomplishments are inherently intertwined with the rate at which they are achieved. If it is taking too long in my opinion, and I consider the time that has passed from beginning to reaching the goal as not acceptable, it no longer feels like an achievement. Things not only have to be successful, they must also be successful fast.

The airplane’s speed of course will be regulated by the pilots (or computers) flying them. We humans, however, define our ”getting ahead” through comparison. Our speed, or lack therefore is owned by those who we choose to compare ourselves with. “His company got this big deal after just three months,” “She was signed on for the global expansion,” “They got X amount of funding…” etcetera, etcetera.

Comparison, is indeed, at the core of our human (or, in this case more aptly, inhuman) rat race. It manifests itself across all areas of our lives, personal and professional.

When we’re single, we compare ourselves to those happy hand-holding couples on their Sunday coffee stroll. And once we actually manage to pair with a significant other, the pattern continues. Others may seem happier, already married and/or raising kids. Comparison is what feeds most of our body insecurities. It is the driving motor to overexert ourselves in workouts that have our already skyrocketing cortisol and Adrenaline levels reach the heights of One World Trade Center. What once was fuel for inspiration to become better — like training for an athletic goal — has now become our downfall, where we unwittingly train ourselves into burnout and adrenal fatigue, overriding it with caffeine, sugar and alcohol.

And then of course, the oldest of all comparisons: the attained riches of others. One of my favorite writers, Alain de Botton, who so painfully acutely captures our Western struggles, describes comparison “as the source of all our modern day anxieties“. I couldn’t agree more.

This dis-ease (because let’s face it, when we compare, we are not at ease) of comparison, of busyness and speeding through life is destructive to our spirit and to our well-being. It results in stress, which is at the root of myriad health challenges. The tragedy however is, it is self-imposed: A British study describes two types of stress: One that is caused by busyness without control, which primarily affects the poor, whose economic reality simply does not allow for downtime. The second type of stress, as related to our Western society, is a type of self-inflicted busyness. One that we can control. So we are the ones digging our own graves.

Most of my clients come from an accelerated work environment, living in “high-achiever cities” like New York or London. The phrase I hear more than anything else during workshops is: “I’m so busy, I don’t have time.”

But what is it really that makes us believe we don’t have time? Why the race? And is it really worth it to sacrifice our most essential human needs? Henry David Thoreau wrote: “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” It seems to me that a lot of us these days are exchanging our joy, our peace of mind, and health to participate in this chase for faster, better, higher. Not realizing the trap we created for ourselves: by definition, our human quest for achievement will never be satisfied. There is always more that can be done, that could be accomplished, a bar that could be raised.

So what is it truly that is at the core of our desire to be better and faster than everyone else?

Working with many Type-A individuals over the past years, the common thread seems to be the desire for recognition, significance, and ultimately a sense of worthiness. Somewhere along the way, most us have come to believe that we are not good enough as we are. That we need to constantly prove to ourselves and others that we, and our existence, matter. That we are worthy of being liked, of being loved. The seed for deriving our sense of worth from our successes is planted early: as children, our parents reward us for behaving well, for our athletic achievements and for excelling in school. And as adults, it is the net worth of our company, reading our name in the Forbes list, the wealth we have acquired, the exotic and luxury destinations we get to visit. Thanks to an endless stream of visuals on social media, we are constantly reminded of what we could have, could be, or could do. Even the most admirable, seemingly self-less endeavors to change the world for the better often have an underlying motivation to give meaning and importance to one’s very own existence, to be acknowledged by others for our good deeds.

It’s intrinsic to the Western Hemisphere: we are defined by what we do, what we produce and create. Even more prevalent in the American culture is the notion of tying together work, success and worthiness: It’s the first tidbit shared with strangers, and the first question asked at parties. What we do becomes the source of our identity, and the implications of not producing enough, not moving fast enough can make us feel less-than. To avoid feeling this way, we take part in this marathon, with not few of us sacrificing the very things that make life worthwhile. Spending time with people that we love, conversations that nourish mind and heart, doing things we enjoy freely and without the need for them to have a “successful“ outcome. And probably the most fundamental one as it precedes the ability to enjoy the aforementioned, our health. The consequences of neglecting our bare physical and emotional needs are tremendous, with our emotional health often being first at stake when the rat race takes over. The World Health Organization (WHO) expects depression to be the most prevalent disease in the world by 2030.

Whilst there are a number of factors contributing to this, feelings of not meeting our own expectations and the resulting shame and inadequacy probably play the lead role.

I love the maps on the computers aboard airplanes that show the aircraft’s current location, and the ground it has covered. If we were to give ourselves the permission to see our human journey in a similar way, acknowledging our present “location” in time and space, and the road we have thus traveled, we may find more ease, be at peace with our own unfolding journey. And we might be less concerned about someone else’s location and successes. The onboard map of the flight path does not indicate the location of other airplanes, though of course there are many in the sky. Applying this to our approach, we can discover our own unique pace and allow ourselves to self-actualize, to be truly human.

We need a different relationship to success and work. In the heart of our hearts, we know what we want: a meaningful life, a sense of community, a balanced existence, feeling love without the need to constantly prove ourselves and others we are worthy of love. Maybe it’s time for us to return to the original meaning of the word human in Latin: wise man. The wise man knows that the average speed of a human is 28/mph and, it can only accelerate so much without extinguishing the very source of his human life. It’s a perfect intention for the new year too. Becoming a wise man or woman, truly being human.

How can we practice more being human, and approach life and our work with a slow speed that allows us to achieve without compromising on our humanness?

For most us of its starts with our mindset, the how we do something. Are we rushing, creating a sense of urgency, emergency even? We can for instance “read” an article by simply scanning through (because hey, we don’t have time), maybe whilst shoveling down a sad desk salad. Or we can choose to take said (not sad anymore) salad, eat it mindfully and perhaps enjoy reading the entire article accompanied by a cortado. The result of this shift in mode from fight or flight to one that allows for an improved digestion, higher nutrient assimilation, increased creativity and mental clarity. And, something as mundane as a better mood.

Instead of seeing the time we spend on “leisure” activities as holding us back from grand achievements, let’s recognize we’re in fact, setting ourselves up for sustainable success.

I don’t know about you, but I’m here for the long run.